The red carpet interview that never was

Ever wondered what a red carpet interview with pantomine stars would be like?

And if that panto was of Charles Dickens Oliver?



Well wonder no more .... here is the red carpet interview that never was - enjoy and have a great festive period.

Hi, Charlie Dee here at the premier screening of Oliver Twist the panto.  I’m live on the red carpet waiting for the first stars to arrive.   

Charlie Dee - DC Pea and PC Yew can I have a couple of minutes of your time.

DC Pea – Yes of course, what would you like to talk about?

CD - Firstly for clarity who is who?

DC Pea – I am DC Pea and he is PC Yew

PC Yew – I thought I was DC Pea

DC Pea – No you’re PC Pea

PC Yew – Yew?

DC Pea – No you

CD - Fellas if I could just interrupt you for a moment.  How do you feel about staring in your first panto?

PC Yew – It was hard work and a bit daunting at times, but I feel we did some good work

DC Pea – Yes some of the stars were fun to work with except that Bill Sikes he was such a fraud.

CD - I’m sorry we have run out of time as I can see our next lot of stars approaching. 

CD - Who do we have here?  Why it’s the band of pickpockets.  Hello pickpockets

All Pickpockes - Hi, hi… ‘ello

CD - So you lot, you happy to be here?

Tom Chitling – yeah, it’s good init?

CD – Is it? Hay give me back my phone

Jammie Dodger – Weren’t me luv

CD – Anyway do you have any stories to tell from on-set?

Charley Bates – We got given loads of stuff

CD – Given?!  Hay put my purse back.  Well it was interesting to speak to you boys but more stars are on their way.

CD – Ugghh, that was tough, but I see the Three Ladies of Threadneedle Street.  Ladies I have to say you are all looking fabulous.

Very Old Lady – What did you say?

CD – You are looking lovely tonight

VOL – Half past three dearie

CD – Moving on.  How did it feel to be on stage, I understand you were around when the venue was first built?

Bench Clerk – Oh it was lovely, bringing back those lovely memories of the Medieval Banqueting Hall.

Chairman – Yes I loved the fact that I could impart my own knowledge onto these young actors to the benefit of all.

CD – I heard you had a drinking problem and it showed in the performance.

CM – Why how dare you, you uppity young lady, this interview is over.  Mary, Agnes lets go.

CD – Oh wait I didn’t…

VOL – Time for tea?

CD – Oh, erm, that didn’t go well, but I now spy Corney and Barrow AND Bumble arriving.  Rumour has it that Ms Corney wanted a bit more than a just a pretend marriage with Mr Bumble, but I don’t think she’s his type, if you catch my drift.

CD – Ms Corney, Ms Barrow and Mr Bumble how are we all?

Bumble – Very well indeed, it’s a pleasure to be here to watch my acting. 

Corney – I love to watch you to honey.

Barrow – Oh please we all know I was the star of the show

CD – Yes I heard you are a rising young star.

Barrow – Oh why thank you, it wasn’t always easy working with such….

Corney – She did learn it all from me you know.

CD – So Ms Corney what was your favourite scene in the show?

Corney – The last scene, it was charged full of power and emotion.

Bumble – That’s not how I remember it!

CD – Mr Bumble what was your biggest challenge?

Bumble – Easy my dear lady, pretending to marry Ms Corney. 

Corney – Oh Mr Bumble how could you?

CD – And erm… Ms Barrow your favourite scene?

Barrow – Simple, my first scene.

CD – Right.  Well.  It’s been lovely but we have to move on.  Who will I speak to next?  Why I do believe… Mr Brownsbank.  Mr Brownsbank can you spare us a few works?

Brownsbank – Of course, I am after all a respectable gentleman.  But shouldn’t you be in bed?  Early to bed and early to rise makes a lady pretty, and witty and bright!

CD – Oh why thank you, how did you find the whole acting experience?

BB – Wonderful, simply wonderful.  I got on well with all the actors, I got so into it I occasionally forgot myself and …

CD –Mr Brownsbank careful what you say this is a family read!

BB –Ms Dee I was merely going to say that I started to believe that I truly had to protect Oliver.

CD – Oh yes well, I have to bid you farewell as we have our next stars just arriving.

BB – Lovely to speak with you

CD – I can’t tell you how excited I am to be speaking to this next couple.  Labelled the Liz Taylor and Richard Burton of the panto world, it’s Nancy Brooks and Bill Sikes and Bird’s Eye Bill’s dog

CD – Nancy, Bill

Bird’s Eye – Ruff

CD – And Bird’s Eye.  Tell me what was it like working with each other on set?

Bill – Don’t ask, she was a nightmare!

Nancy – Oh Bill you mean man!

Bill – Shut it woman.  Yeah it was alrigh’ I suppose, Fagin was good to work with, didn’t like DC Pea or PC Yew, or Phee-ewe as I called ‘em.

Nancy – Bill!  I enjoyed it immensely, I love knowing that I put smiles on people’s faces

BE – Ruff, your face is ruff!

Bill – Bird’s Eye!

CD – Good doggie.  So what can you tell us about your on screen/off screen romance?

Bill – Nuffing!

Nancy – You do love me don’t you Bill?

Bill – Well I live wiv ya don’ I? Bird’s Eye come on we’re going

CD – Oh right well then, bye.  That was something special, of sorts.

Fagin – Why Charlie my dear don’t you want to talk to me?

CD – Fagin!  I didn’t see you there, where were you hiding?

Fagin – Never mine my dear, I’m here now.

CD – Yes, of course.  So tell me Fagin how has this whole experience been for you?

Fagin – Excellent!  I have had the time of my life, working with the likes of Bill and Nancy.  Acting alongside Dodger was a lot of fun.

CD – What about working with the other pickpockets?

Fagin – Ah!  That was like working with me own children, intense at times, but never a dull moment.

CD – I bet

Fagin – Pardon?

CD – Nothing, any words of wisdom you can impart to the readers?

Fagin – In this life, one thing counts, in the bank large amounts, I’m afraid these don’t grow on trees.  You’ve got a pick a pocket or two.

CD – That doesn’t sound very good advice!  But it’s been great to talk to you.

Fagin – The pleasure is all mine my dear.

CD – Well there aren’t too many stars left and it’s getting closer to the start of the show… hang on… where’s my purse gone?!  Never mind that now I can see the final two stars walking over.  Oliver!  Dodger!  Do you have a moment to chat?

Dodger – Anything for you.

Oliver – And me.  Wow this is so exciting!

CD – So tell us, how was it for you?

Oliver – The best thing ever, all those stars, the stage the props…. I just couldn’t take it all in. 

Dodger – Yeah, it was good to flex me acting muscle.

CD – Did you both have to dig deep to get into character?

Dodger – Not really, it was a lot of fun pretending to pickpocket.

Oliver – It was all very personal to me, using memories as my acting aid.

Dodger – What?  You trained at the Brits!  And I saw you on Britain’s got Talent.

CD – I’m sorry we have to stop, the performance is about to start.  I’m going to watch the show and will report back a little later on.  This is Charlie Dee signing off for Inside News.